The Legacy Of Loyalty Vibes

 

Breaking My Silence

Life happens, shit happens, people change, people come and go, there's ups and downs, wins and losses, love and heart break, life and death, struggle, and the whole nine. You don't need me to tell you that.

Meanwhile, back at the farm, lol.. just playing.

But, while all that was happening... while life was lifing. I've gone through something recently that was even bigger than the loss of my sister.

I had a pain cut through so deep.... It broke me down to the core. I felt the earth crack and I physically heard every single shatter in my heart fall into pieces. In that single moment of silence, I knew there wasn't a thing but, God that could help me.

The last conversation was.. let it burn down and burn to ashes. 22 years of my life just thrown away like nothing, like a piece of trash.

I fell to my knees broken in prayer.. asking God for relief, and to heal my heart. Begging for courage.. Looking for strength. Because I knew what had just broken inside of me, I could never fix. I knew once I could finally recover and get back up from this, I would never be the same, I would never look at people or life the same.

It has taken me a year and a half to reach this level of strength.. and now I rise from the ashes, forever changed, built even stronger than before, and now with complete discernment, calmness, and clarity in a way I've never known.

I am unashamed. I stand tall, proud, and I walk alone, unapologetically. Though I stand alone, I stay standing.

This is my story, my legacy.. I am Loyalty Vibes.

Built to Survive, Made to Inspire.

-Angel

 

The Weight Nobody Saw

These are the silent chapters.

Not specifics.

Not drama.

Not details.

Weight that was never mine to carry.

Responsibility.

Carrying grief after grief after grief.

Leading a company.

Serving customers.

Building something from nothing.

Keeping promises.

Showing up through it all.

While fighting battles nobody could see, nobody could hear.

Mental health isn't always loud and in your face. Sometimes it's silent, and sometimes it's deadly.

 

The Silence

This is my story.

This is my legacy.

This is Loyalty Vibes.

 

The last words... Let it burn to the ground and burn to ashes

There came a moment when everything I knew, everything I sacrificed for, everything I worked for, everything I invested my all for, in the blink of an eye it all burned to the ground after 22 years.

The love.

The identity.

The certainty.

The direction.

Everything that ever mattered.

I lost it all... everything, including myself while still building.

 

The Realization

Loyalty Vibes isn't something I built.

Loyalty Vibes is who I am.

 

You Wonder

What does Loyalty mean?

What does standing mean?

What does integrity mean?

What does surviving mean?

What does keeping your word mean?

What does holding the line mean?

The Truth

They can copy the name.

They can copy the logo.

They can copy a design.

They can copy a slogan.

They can copy a product.

But they cannot copy the price that was paid to build it.

They cannot live in the shoes that aren't theirs to fill.

They cannot inherit a story they didn't live.

They cannot claim a legacy they didn't earn.

This is my bloodline.

There's only one Loyalty Vibes.

 

My Vault, My Heart I Open To You

If you're standing in your own fire...

If you've lost yourself...

If you had everything to lose...

If you've had to walk alone...

If you've had to stand your ground alone while everyone else walked away...

I see you.

You're not alone, anymore. Stand up, pick your head up, dust yourself off and stand beside me as one. I got you and you got me.

This is the story of someone who walked out of it and never looked back.

This is my story, my legacy... I am Loyalty Vibes.

 

The Legacy

I've tolerated a lot disrespect and bad behavior towards me and from myself included. I've paid the price for so so long for other people's choices and I can no longer do it.

I literally just learned that allowing it is the same as doing it and that makes me just as guilty as the person doing it and that doesn't sit well with me.

I've recently learned that forgiving myself is something I've never done before for anything I've ever gone through or tolerated. I am learning.. and I am choking on it every single day. For me this is probably the ultimate challenge.. learning to forgive myself is a different kind of hard than what I'm used, too.

Losing my sister changed me in ways I can never put into words. Her choice became my life sentence. I paid the price for her decisions with my life, because I couldn't save her.

The guilt ate me up for years and years, hoping and wishing and praying and wondering if, I would've done something differently could I have maybe saved her. Was there something I could've said to change the outcome. It was my job to protect her.. until I didn't.

It took me a lot of years to realize, it wasn't my sentence to serve, it wasn't my price to pay, it wasn't my fault that I couldn't help her or save her, it wasn't my decision, but most importantly there wasn't a thing I could've done or said to change the outcome. Because I did my best, I gave my all and grief is the ultimate price you pay for love.

For many years, I couldn't live, I couldn't smile, was afraid to laugh because I felt guilty. How could I smile with so much pain in my heart. How could I live again knowing she was gone. All of this guilt that was never mine to carry, but it became mine and I carried it without a single person knowing I was dead inside.

I will forever be grateful to Nicole for being there for me through it all, because if it wasn't for her there would've been two of us gone. At the end of the day when all is said and done, everyone goes home to their lives and you're left there alone tryinng to grasp for air, trying to comprehend what in the world is happening, how in the hell do you survive it.

Wondering where in the hell do you go from here. How do you even pickup the pieces. I failed miserably time and time again, until I had to accept defeat. I had to learn to accept that the person who I was, was never coming back and that the person I once knew was also gone, too.

Those pieces I kept trying to glue back together would never be a complete puzzle, again. I kept trying to pick myself up only to fall again and again and again because, I didn't know that I would never be the same. I didn't know that the life I knew was over.

It's a pain that only God and time can heal, because there aren't any words in the world that will comfort you. There isn't a thing anyone can say or do that will help you. Ya know most people turn to drugs, alcohol, and prescriptions to help or cope or even leave reality just for a few, because it's easier, but I chose to face it all head on without any of that and it was one of the most difficult things I've ever face in my life.

Kissing her goodbye on a metal table and knowing that's the last time you'll ever see them. Cleaning up the mess the paramedics left behind. Having to look everyone in the face and hold a composure that isn't normal, because you're expected to be the strong one. It takes a strength you have to go through to understand, because it cannot be explained.

I've never ever spoken on this before, I tend to be a vault that you can't reach. But I share this in hopes that you'll check on your people. Make a change in your life, become a better person, become a better verion of yourself not just for you, but also the people around you.

The world is so cruel and heavy right now. So many people are hurting from so many different things. People are out here hurting good people. People's lives are falling apart. There's just so much darkness everywhere you turn. I write this with tears down my face, asking you and begging you.... to please, be that light for someone else, if not yourself.

God has been pushing me lately to speak up and come forward and I hate it, every second of it. But, this is me opening up my vault and sharing a piece of my life, a piece of my story with you. Maybe it'll help you and maybe it won't. But, if it helps even just one person to change, reflect, or realize that you matter, then I know I've made a difference.

I don't share this for symapthy, so please don't do that to me, because trust me, I don't need it nor do I want it. I'm just here to be your light, to show you and teach you from my shoes what it looks like on the inside, don't make the same mistakes I did, learn a different way.

I don't apologize nor am I ashamed for mistakes, because they were mine to learn. I know that the purpose was bigger than me. Learn more about our story.

You've got this, keep going!